zI used to be a wonderful individual. I do everything in my capacity, and also would always put others before myself. I volunteered to perform the bulk of the job for jobs at my job. Whenever they inconvenienced anyone else I backed down from my requests. And my own free time was spent giving, giving and giving.
The final result, however, wasn’t what I had expected it would be. I felt depressed and tired, because I was not caring for myself physically. Since I volunteered to do more and more, people started to hope I would do everything in their opinion. As my own fantasies had been placed on the back burner I became so resentful, and I craved validation and the attention that I was unable to give myself anymore.
We would like to be selfless, but also in neglecting our particular needs we diminish our capacity to achieve that. In the article, “The Way Selflessness Makes Us Selfish,”printed about the Counseling Site, the writer states that if we do not meet our personal needs, we start to find them from outside sources, leading to behavior that looks selfish. If we want to be more kind and giving, we really have to be a little LESS “fine”
Here are some things that Occur when You’re too nice:
- If you’re always giving, people will expect that of you.
In the report, “5 Ways Being Nice Can Become Negative,” published on The Power of Positivity, the writer states that if you don’t put boundaries, you’ll be regarded as a doormat and taken advantage of. Making certain your needs are met, valuing yourself, and establishing limits does not necessarily mean you do not have sympathy for those around you. It just ensures that your requirements are important.
I believed that individuals want me and visit me as more valuable should I gave as far as I could. I discovered that people appreciated it less. We will be valued by people around us . People started to see and appreciate my contributions as I started to put limits and ask for help once I needed it.
- You will develop unrealistic expectations of the others.
According to the Power of Positivity, once you are being overly good to others, you develop expectations to allow them to do the same. When they don’t meet these expectations, then you can become angry and angry.
I have discovered that in my own life. I’d go above and beyond for almost any of my friends, and that I took it when they weren’t prepared to do the exact same. What I didn’t understand was that they had been taking good care of their needs, and that it was my obligation to do the exact same for myself. When they want something people might come to you.
The Power of Positivity says that if you are nice for people, you will be simply seen by them as a means to an end. People will only come to you once they think you can help them out, either as they’re currently seeing you as a tool to assist them meet their objectives. This pattern may spiral out of control should you not set it to nip as soon as it begins.
This pattern was seen by me beginning in my life, and it instantly became overwhelming. Being able to quietly say “no,” without providing too many reasons or arguing it, was crucial. Sometimes I’d offer to help the individual get themself so that they could help himself organized, or I would refer them to sources and other people.
- You will be worried about being kind to your self.
According to the Power of Positivity, when you are busy taking care of everybody else, you may forget to be kind to yourself. This can lead to your needs not being fulfilled, and spiral into burn-out and depression.
I found I was distracted by my over-giving from the origins of suffering and distress that have been within myself. I sought validation externally, and I didn’t think that I had any value out of people’s opinions. I managed to spend some time learning how to rely on myself to get validation and looking in, as soon as I backed away on the lending. In the long run, this allowed me to be kind and understanding.